


Animal Lover

by EsculentEvil



Series: EsculentEvil's BatJokes Shots [32]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Family Bonding, Family Fluff, Humor, M/M, New 52, Romance, Screenplay/Script Format, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 22:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17030889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EsculentEvil/pseuds/EsculentEvil
Summary: Joker has serious issues with Batman's youngest being so good with animals. Why? because Bud and Lou are animals.Originally posted to my Tumblr @esculentevil





	Animal Lover

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in the _New 52_ run with Scott Snyder’s Joker and BatFam [so Robin = Damian]. However, as usual, this is an optional lens; feel free to use any universe that has a Damian. Honestly, I just put this in Lament’s world because it could be a follow up to _[Criminally Cute](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/178135600936/jokingbatfam-criminally-cute)_.

**Joker** : [peeved] I hate your brat.

 **Batman** : [calmly cuffing Joker, trying not to be amused] Which one.

 **Joker** : [huffs in frustration] The youngest, Bats; though I DO hate them all.

 **Batman** : [pauses; considers Joker; decides this isn’t about the clown’s jealousy—which irrationally spiked after Bruce had Damian with Talia instead of with him ( _Which was NOT cheating, ok? Joker and I were never dating; he’s deluded._ )—but something different and probably unrelated; can’t think of the reason; frowns] What happened?

 **Joker** : [groans, long and suffering] He made NICE with my babies.

 **Batman** : ... [stares before quietly opening his com-link with his youngest son] Robin? What are you doing right now?

 **Robin, over com-link** : Keeping the clown’s hyenas busy.

 **Batman** : [staring at Joker’s  _See what I mean?_  expression] ... How? Exactly?

 **Robin, over com-link** : [flustered pause; cheerful yipping in background] Hands!

 **Batman** : ... Your  _hands_?

 **Joker** : Translation~!  _Pe **t** s_  _and be **l** ly rub **s**_.

[As Robin’s over-com-link silence becomes more and more embarrassed, Batman finds himself fighting the urge to laugh aloud; because this is ridiculous: Joker’s pissed and huffy over something as simple and sweet as Damian Wayne being so good with animals that Joker’s own hyenas, Bud and Lou, LIKE him.]

 **Batman** : [amused as ammo; shakes his head; grabs the nape of Joker’s neck] Let’s go and leave the kids to play. [pushes Joker towards the Batmobile]

 **Joker** : [protesting; struggling] Wait! No! That’s not FAIR! [twists away; seethes] How come THEY get to  _play nice_  and WE don’t?! I get that the kid likes animals and MAYBE  **you**  don’t like CLOWNS; but this is still unfair! Where’s MY pets?!

 **Robin, over-com** : They’re with me.

 **Batman** : [trying not to facepalm, freak out, or get flustered] That’s not... [sighs] Never mind. Robin, I’m leaving you in charge of the hyenas; take care of them.

 **Robin, over-com** : Yes. [the sound of snapping fingers carries over the com—Robin getting the animals’ attention so that he can keep playing with them—before the communication link goes silent again]

 **Batman** : [determined and with a plan] Joker, you’re coming with me.

 **Joker** : [dodging the Bat’s reaching hand] Why should I?!

 **Batman** : [deadpan, stoic, devious, and smug] You want to be pet, don’t you?

 **Joker** : ...! [stunned silent; goes with the Bat without fighting]

 **Batman** : [victorious—and completely oblivious to the dreams he’s making true]


End file.
